What's In A Name?

In writing an email to a friend of mine this...eveni...morning...I had a thought.  And when Elise gets thoughts that are not crap, she writes them in this lovely little blog.  Do not ask me why, but that's just how things work these days.  Oh, and Elise also refers to herself in the third person, just to clarify that.

Anywho, I was thinking, I guess, as I finished off the email with my "signature", do we really become our names?  Now, don't laugh, this came to me at 3:30 in the morning.  I looked at it, my eyes lulling me to sleep, and said, am I an Elise?  First of all, what the heck is an Elise?  You look at it, ponder some, (or maybe that's just a little indigestion from dinner), so you're pondering, and thinking, hmm that word looks odd.  Foreign, maybe.  Well, I am odd, I suppose, you should ask me about my sleeping habits; and depending on which person you're asking, I might be foreign.  That's a bit of an odd rational, I know, but stay with me.  So, odd and foreign, possibly, but what else?

My name wasn't always as, for lack of a better word, understood as it is becoming today.  What can I say, I've shot it to stardom, or something like that.  But back in the day, when I was wee tot, I had a funny name that nobody, and by nobody, I mean no-frickin'-body knew how to say.  Adults thought it was pretty once they were corrected (or maybe they just felt dumb for getting a five letter word wrong), nevertheless, I spent the better part of my childhood enunciating my name.  Eh, who am I kidding, my Humanities teacher still says it wrong every time he calls on me, I just no longer care enough to correct people who get it wrong now.  Anyway, back to the tale, so after that was clarified (then anyway) Uh-lee-ce (for those still unsure) I had to explain why the heck my parents named me that.  It went a little something like this:  "Blah, blah, blah, Somewhere In Time, oh never heard of it?  Me either.  Apparently the lady from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman was in it with Superman.  My mom was pregnant with me when they went to see it, and apparently decided that she should be my namesake, I don't know, your guess is as good as mine, so can I go play at recess now?"

Yeah, something like that.  Isn't that cool?  I mean, being named after a love story and everything?  I'm just feelin' the love.  Ok, back to the story again, they'd tell me it was a grown up name, and how pretty it was.  I just smiled and rolled my eyes (only on the inside though), and said thanks.  

Hey - I knew I was cool, not everybody gets a song written Fur them by Beethovan.  So, back to topic, have I become my name?  I'm not sure.  I like it though, it's unique, I don't think it rolls off the tongue very well, so I guess if you know me, you have to think about me before you say the name.  That's kind of cool I guess.  I think the name is rather pretty in a sense, elegant perhaps, and, I'm pretty sure I'm not elegant, so maybe that doesn't fit.  I don't know, when I look in the mirror, I don't see Elise, I see me.  When you look at me, who do you see?  Elise?  Or just that girl over there who has a funny name?  Well, like I said when I was younger, your guess is as good as mine.

P.S.  If you've never seen the movie, it is actually quite beautiful and romantic. Very simple filmography, minus the traveling in back in time thing, but a real delight.  I'd recommend it, made me cry, and I don't really do the crying because of movies thing.  I adore Jane Seymore, and she was ravishing in that movie.  I actually just got around to watching it this summer, only took me twenty-one years to do so, funny, right?

Song of the Day:  

"I Want Something That I Want" - Grace Potter & Bethany Joy Galeotti

Lyrics of the Day: 

"Everyday my dreams will get bigger

Then I hear there's nothing

I can dream hasn't been dreamt before

So I water my little faith

And hope for the better"

-Then Slowly Grows: Bethany Joy Galeotti

Brain Drain; Snuggle Fest

She has my heart!!

My bestest!!

I have decided, as it is 5:24 in the morning and I have been awake for 25 hours now, that this weekend shall consist of nothing that will require me to think extensively.  While I love my classes, and my professors (truly I do!), and will not complain about anything school related (I am, in fact, paying to torture myself) but to put it honestly, my brain hurts to think at this moment in time.  One can only projectile vomit so much information in one day, let alone one whole week of it.  Therefore, I have earned a rest.

Now, I am one who loves to think, to ponder, hell I even have intellectual conversations with myself in order to write them down for future pondering.  I realize this sounds ridiculous, however, listen to a few of my friends speak for more than five minutes and you will understand.  I used to have these discussions with my Grandma, or my mother.  Well, you know about my Grandma, and my mom is too busy to entertain me for longer than five minutes.  All is well though.  And, just for the record, if any of my friends are reading this, I of course A. deny having said anything of the sort and B. am not talking about you.

I am just joshing everyone, I adore my friends.  Although, none of them likely read this so, that is their loss.  Yes, the joys of friendship, taking the good with the bad, along with everything else they can throw at me.  My life, to sum it up briefly, is full of the utmost contradictions.  Seriously.  I sat down one evening with a pen and a journal (quite a pretty looking, glossy black one I might add) and wrote some 45 pages of things in my life that contradict each other.  I love it, ask to read it someday if you are in my room, you will be entertained, promise.

I must cut this entry short, I apologize, but I must sleep.  I'm looking forward to a day full of puppy loving tomorrow, or rather, in a few hours.  Yes, my Lexi; she seems to barely tolerate my obsessive loving and snuggling and kissing on her while I am home.  She would deny it fully and faithfully if you ever asked her, but she misses me when I'm gone, she doesn't fool me.

P.S.  Yes I realize that my colors of purple change from post to post.  I either forget which one I used previous, that which is my favorite (because I like so much purple!), or I like to mix it up a little bit, keep you on your toes.  You will never know which it is.  : )

Happiness?

I have often wondered what people seek when they believe what they want is happiness or love.  To define happiness is something that is indefinable, in my opinion.  It is said in terms of many things, but to each their own.  To each person, happiness is only understood from their own heart.  Many people will try to tell you this or that is wrong, or that isn't really happiness, or you aren't supposed to feel that when doing such and if you perceive it as happiness, you are screwed up.  Now, before we think - murder - or anything crazy like that, let's digress back.  Anyway, to expect a shared sense of happiness is to find another who has touched your heart.  While the heart is associated with love, what is to say that it can't be synonymous with happiness as well?  All emotions are associated with the brain, of course, however, when you feel what it is to be in love or to be truly happy, you feel it elsewhere.  And this deferred sensation spreads warmth and tranquility throughout the body.

To know happiness is to be in touch with oneself.  To know love, you must be able to love yourself first.  So many people believe that the love of another will make them whole, but I do not agree.  If  you are able to love yourself then, and only then can you really appreciate the love of another.  I think that's why this society has so many divorces and so much unhappiness.  We are slammed with ideas of the perfect wedding, of TV shows like the Bachelor, of ideas that we are never enough with magazines and medicine for every little thing.  I think we've lost the idea that loving oneself is just as important as loving another.  After all, how can we know what loving another feels like if we do not have love for ourselves?

Once this personal acceptance occurs, it is possible to recognize the ability to find your inner happiness in someone else.  The beauty of love is that is transcends all and it knows all.  It knows pain, but forgives, it knows compassion, kindness, worry, doubt, joy, peace, trust, calmness; to know all of these gives us as individuals an opportunity to learn.  In learning we associate good things to happiness.  In loving another there is a great risk of heartache or of failure, but with that great risk, the serendipitous possibility of finding it is practically overpowering.

Sometimes, however, I believe that people seek out the wrong thing when they say they are looking for happiness.  This is because happiness is not a "thing" or and "action".  Rather, it is something that must come from inside.  If you are not in touch with your inner self, if you do not love yourself, your concept of happiness will never be fulfilled.  I believe we make our own heaven and we also have the ability to make our own hell.  Those individuals seek to find things to replace that hell, saying it is happiness they lack, however, is this true?  It's a frame of mind; there are things that bring happiness, of course, and understanding these things help to bring our paths closer to happiness.  

For example, what is to understand the beauty of a lullaby from a mother's heart?  What is it to understand a sunset?  We can see the sunset, and we can hear a lullaby, but to understand them you must search deep inside yourself and understand what those things bring to your own happiness.  

For me, sunrises and sunsets are beautiful.  The universe opens and closes a new day with beauty, and that gives me hope.  No matter how horrible things can be in one day, look outside and see that the day ends with something beautiful.  It also brings a sense of stability, like the stars or the mood or the sun.  No matter how scary or crazy or stressful a day can be the moon is always out at night, the stars always flicker, the sun rises with beauty and the day is closed with the beauty of a sunset.  I understand that part of myself, why I love them, and I enjoy each and every one of them every day, they bring me happiness, because I've taken the time to understand what they mean to me.  Also, for me, whenever I hear You Are My Sunshine or My Favorite Things, I always am taken back to falling asleep while my mom sung them to me.  While I've sought to find copies of those songs to have now, none of them ever compare to my mom's voice late at night.  There was just something about her touch as I was falling asleep, and her voice in song that comforted me.  The way she sung them was perfect to me, and brings me happiness and peacefulness whenever I try and remember her voice.  Every time I have trouble sleeping I try and remember how I felt at those times, and it always helps me to drift off.

The point of all this, I suppose, is to empower anyone reading this to love themselves.  Find things that make you truly happy, for yourself before anyone else, and then share them.  Teach someone what it means to love yourself, yes it is possible.  Give someone a hug, listen to them when they need to talk, tell them to love themselves for who they are.  If everyone understood this, I think there would be a lot less sad people.  If you can't find love for yourself, when you have to live with yourself every day of your life, than that would be a very sad life.  Those people just don't look hard enough inside themselves.  So look deep and love you, find happiness, find love, and live it, all of it.

Song of the Day:  Those Sweet Words - Norah Jones

Lyrics of the Day:  

"They shine a little brighter, the feel a little more

They touch your life in ways no one has ever done before

They love a little stronger, they live to give their best

They make our lives so blest, so why do they go so soon?

The ones with souls so beautiful..."