Yesterday morning I got up early and went for a walk, which has become a bit of a routine for me. It makes my day so much easier when I can get all my thoughts and feelings out at once and in the morning so that I do not have the pressures of said things weighing on my mind all day.
Anyway, as I came near my farthest destination I came across a baby bird. A beautiful green and yellow, quite cute actually. He looked scared so I walked cautiously around him, and when he didn't fly away I stopped and sat down near him by the grass. I thought maybe I should move him from the pavement so that he doesn't get stepped on by someone, or run over by something else. I crouched down really close to him, only a few inches, talked to him a little bit to try and calm him down, although, I'm not sure that helped much. I wasn't sure what to do, but I felt bad for him, so I continued on to finish my walk and would see if he was still there on the way back in about fifteen minutes.
Well, when I came back, there he was, in the middle of the sidewalk. I felt so bad for him, being so small and alone, crying out for his mother. I sat down close to him again and just as I made up my mind to move him to the grass (there are worms, and maybe his parents would find him and be able to feed him if they knew he was more safe), he flies up into the nearby tree. It brought a smile to my face. Actually, it made me think of my Grandma. Maybe it was her, maybe it wasn't, but I remember one of the last days she was alive, while she was sleeping I took my camera outside in their backyard to take pictures of all the beautiful Finches that were eating from their bird feeder.
While the concept of a spirit of a loved one coming to us through visual reminders seems a bit far fetched, it could be accurate. When we found out that my Grandma was in fact going to die from the disease, we all were together and talked to her about what she was going to come back to us as. I never really got into the conversation because I was still a little messed up about the whole situation, but my Grandma was a firm believer that it could happen. I mean, they don't actually have to be coming through as that animal or that butterfly or that smell, but maybe they are able to send those messages, right time right place kind of thing to us to help us remember them. I know it made me think of her, and that really helps being able to look back on those things.
Another example, well, two in fact, happened to me during the summer. I had taken to spending a lot of time outside, just sitting and enjoying the beautiful weather. It's just something that helped me in dealing with things. Well, one day I found a baby bunny, one of Lexi's (my dog's) favorite things to chase outside of squirrels and chipmunks. Well, I felt so bad for it that I grabbed Lexi, shoved her inside, and tried to chase the bunny away before it could be chased. I followed it over to the fence and it just sat there looking at me. I got about a foot from it and took its picture, but it just sat there, now - what bunny just sits and lets a human get that close to it?
One of the last days of being home before going back to school I was outside again, reading, listening to music, it was late in the day, the sun was going down, it was just beautiful out. Well, all of the sudden I hear this ridiculous noise fly by my ear, it was like nothing I'd ever heard before. I screamed of course, thinking it was the biggest bug of all time, and looked in front of me, and there was a beautiful hummingbird. Just hovering over some almost dead flowers from my Grandma's viewing. I had never seen one up close before, certainly never had one fly literally 2 inches from my face. It made me think of my Grandma, and of course I ran in and told my mom. She then told me about a time when her and my Grandpa were out in my Grandma's garden soon after she died and they saw one, and my Grandpa told her he thought it was Grandma. I mean these little coincidences couldn't all be such, could they?
Either way, it just is a cool thought to think that she could be coming back and bringing happiness to us again, just like she did when she was alive. I'm thankful for these experiences, whether they are her or not, because regardless, they have made me think of her. And to me, that is all that is important.
Song of the Day: In The Red - Tina Dico
-This is probably one of the most heart breaking - most romantic songs I've ever heard. It's amazing and I love it.
"Love is a thousand shades of grey
And we know
There's not a safe or certain way to go
But when we've seen all, uneasiness and hate, it will show
That is all means nothing, it all means nothing, nothing at all"
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